To Prove Yourself
by Avendesade
Summary: While on a mission to rescue a stolen droid, Ahsoka's desire to prove herself to her master causes her to abandon her position even after she was told to stay. A reluctant disciplinarian, Anakin must deliver necessary consequences to Ahsoka, but he hopes to teach her there are better ways to prove oneself, and in turn learns something of his own. CONTAINS CORPORAL PUNISHMENT.
1. Chapter 1

"_Breath… Just breathe."_ Anakin mentally tried to calm himself, not because of the storm of laser bullets flying around him like electrons around an atom, but because he was very, _very_ angry. As a result, he attempted to take the detrimental distraction and channel it into his performance. He would not let his anger compromise the mission and instead used it to his advantage, slashing the group of droids firing at him into halves and pieces with a couple easy swipes of his lightsaber. However, an _army's_ worth of droid slashing wouldn't quell the true heat of his emotions, he knew, and he couldn't wait until the mission was over so he could confront the true source of the fire that kept him blazing down the ship's long corridor through droid after disposable droid.

Anakin didn't stop to pause for a moment when he reached the chamber door, and he burst inside to do business with the nastiest general of the Imperial army… "_General Grievous_," Anakin greeted, his determination strong in his voice. He eyed the cyborg warily as he slowly clanked his way up the metal steps.

"_Skywalker_," Grievous returned with a sly chuckle. "So nice of you to visit. Killing your troops can be so… monotonous at times. I'm sure killing you will be far more _entertaining_."

"Yes… It's a shame our negotiations must always turn aggressive. Fighting you is even more boring than talking with you." Anakin carefully positioned himself for attack, and upon his lofty pounce of the General, a tumultuous battle ensued between nimble Anakin and the bulky cyborg.

Meanwhile, on the landing deck of the Republic ship responsible for transporting them here, the match that had lit Anakin's fuse earlier in the mission was pacing nervously in front of the yellow fighter she had flown back. As Anakin's padawan, Ahsoka Tanno was used to getting into trouble, but it was not often serious, and most of the time her master was getting into trouble right along with her. This time however, she knew she had done something terrible, and the pacing only seemed to agitate the fear that manifested itself deep in her nauseated stomach.

Part of Ahsoka knew that her actions had been less than wise, even if she didn't want to admit it. After all, she _had_ been successful in the key part of the mission. She had withheld the communications as instructed, and coordinated all the troops to the appropriate positions… Then, she let her desire to prove herself overstep its tight little boundaries and abandoned her position. She felt horrible, knowing she had left everyone vulnerable, even if she did end up rescuing the droid that had brought all of them here in the first place.

It was wrong to abandon position during a mission. Ahsoka knew that, but told herself that allowances are always made for a chance of success. The real crime, she knew, was abandoning the command of her master and disregarding his direct authority in order to act on her own. Not only was it against mission protocol… It was against _his _protocol, and it was that fact that had settled so unpleasantly in her stomach.

While Anakin couldn't wait to leave the mission as he battled Grievous in frenzy, his padawan wished (for the first time) that the mission would take a very long time. '_At least long enough for him to cool down,_' she thought to herself. '_Maybe he won't even care by the time he gets back._' Unfortunately for Ahsoka, however, the mission was over with quickly when Grievous indulged his cowardice, abandoning his own ship, and Anakin barely managed escape on a fighter before it enacted a self-destruct command.

As Anakin flew the small distance through a starlit space that was now scattered with debris, he chewed on all that had happened… The taste was all kinds of bitter. He felt undermined and disregarded, and he essentially had been. While he had always privately appreciated how Ahsoka was known to challenge rules and push limits, there was something particularly unsettling about having it done so blatantly, when her life itself was at risk. It had caused him to misstep, to completely lose concentration on the mission in order to find her, and that was something he could not have. The feeling that she had put herself in so much danger, that he might not find her, that he couldn't trust her… It took a good bit of the substance from him, and it left him feeling resentful after the fact.

"She's gone too far this time," he said to himself, deciding then that he would have to ensure she knew just how far. It wasn't easy for Anakin, even in anger, to instruct Ahsoka by force, or to mete out consequences, nor was it easy now. While his legendary temper and strictness in certain areas could fool even Ahsoka, he truly hated being Master when it meant being a disciplinarian. He liked to keep the wall of authority just short enough to walk the edge with Ahsoka rather than keep a barrier, but discipline always built up the wall a little taller and the resulting distance was something he could not stand.

Maybe he wasn't mature enough to handle being a solid authority figure, and maybe it was his youthful nature that simply wasn't ready to accept the responsibility, but the rest of him did _try_. He wanted to do things right, not just as a Jedi Master, but as a guardian, a friend, and a mentor for his young padawan. He had grown, not just to "care deeply" as was often said of masters for their padawans, but to_ love_ Ahsoka as a sister. He gave freely of his emotions and took freely of them too. The bond they both shared was unlike any other of their kind because the situation was unique, and the relationship translated as such.

It was unfortunately the exceptionality of Anakin and Ahsoka's relationship that often got them both into trouble. This time it was too obvious to ignore or easily forgive, and it had seriously jeopardized a mission and the safety of several republic soldiers. Anakin knew he would be questioned and criticized about why Ahsoka hadn't stayed in the command station to continue her part of the mission. Had he been unclear in his instructions or had she simply disobeyed? Having to confirm the truth to the council's watchful and judging eyes was going to be just as hard, if not harder, for him than for Ahsoka.

The last thing Anakin wanted was interference in their relationship, and the very next last thing he wanted was for the council to question his suitability as Ahsoka's master. It could set back everything, including his current standing with the council, and it would be difficult to work his way back up and prove himself worthy of both his current position and his progression of higher positions in the future. Worst of all for Anakin, in the soft and passionate parts that traded and fed off of emotions, was that it could be detrimental to one of the most important relationships in Anakin's life.

Anakin landed on the Republic ship with all of these thoughts and feelings swimming in his mind, and he was instantly struck with the chaotic stirring of Ahsoka's own thoughts and feelings about the event. He couldn't help feeling a bit sorry for her that moment, nor could he help feeling a bit glad that she was nearly just as upset about the situation as he was. He had already made the decision to discipline her, although he wasn't exactly sure how yet, and he put on the aura of a disciplinarian as he briskly paced over to his nervous padawan.

Regardless of how Anakin felt at heart, he did have the power of manifesting his anger externally in the lines of his face and the rigidness of his stance as he towered over Ahsoka. He put the fear of God in her sometimes and it always shored up any saucy behavior, at least for a little while. It didn't take much to subdue her when she knew he was really angry. Sometimes though it was easy for her to brush off his verbal chastisement, and for those reasons he had swatted her backside a few times in the past, enough to sting and enough to wake her up and show her he was serious. He had only ever threatened to put her over his knee since then, and the sheer embarrassment of undergoing such a punishment turned Ahsoka into a perfect little Padawan, eager to display her self-discipline and maturity.

He looked down at her now, and she stared back up at him with the posture of one who was guilty. He was glad she was there and that she was safe, but he still felt the blight of her actions as if he'd received a fresh blow to his stomach. The fear and the anxiety and the insult of it all come flooding back to him and could only be translated at that moment to extreme anger. The emotion, as always, began to form itself around his features, and Ahsoka suddenly felt a little smaller at his fierceness. With the familiar fear of God sloshing around her insides, all she could bring herself to do was apologize...


	2. Chapter 2

"Master, I know I've done wrong, and I'm sorry for it. Please, don't be angry."

Anakin narrowed his eyes at his padawan and crossed his arms. "_Too late_, Ahsoka Tanno. You've made me very, _very _angry." Anakin knew he was being harsh, and he took note of Ahsoka's tender and anxious expression. At the moment, he didn't care if he frightened her. _'Fear will be good for her,'_ he thought. _'She deserves it.'_

Ahsoka bit her lip, trying not to be intimidated by her Master's tense glare. "What do I need to do to make you understand the phrase 'apology accepted'? Is that even in your vocabulary?"

Anakin, still angry and ready (at least the angry part was) to act on his earlier decision, sighed frustratingly and dropped his arms. He sensed the intensity of her fear and regret, and he also sensed how she masked it with rebellion. "I accept your apology Snips, but I don't accept your behavior. You're _not_ getting away with it." He marked the statement by pointing a finger at her, hoping to convince her he really meant it this time, even if deep down he _was_ full of his own fear and doubtful about exactly how to proceed.

In appropriate response, Ahsoka shuddered and backed away a half of a step. "Please, Master," she pleaded. "Don't." Ahsoka trembled slightly, but it was the only breech of her control. Although she had already given way to pleading, another side of her wished not to give her master the satisfaction of fear. The snub she felt by his coldness only fueled her anger more, and the internal conflict rose to a point that made Ahsoka almost burst.

Anakin took a moment to analyze his padawan instead of rashly giving way to his desires to make her pay for her errors. He felt the tension she was releasing and was sharply reminded of the similar feelings he had felt when he found himself in the same position. He remembered disobeying his own master at her age, too often trying to prove himself and coming just short of success. He remembered how he regretted those exploits that always disappointed his master and left him feeling inadequate, vulnerable, and childish.

Obi-Wan had always been patient and understanding with him, even in correction, and this only caused a deeper sense of remorse. Anakin was too stubborn to admit the truth outwardly, however, often keeping the feelings shielded by a shell of anger and rebellion. These memories flooded him with sympathy for his wayward padawan, and he suddenly realized that he now knew something of what his own master had gone through. He also remembered what his own master had done to answer his behavior, and with that thought, Anakin quickly steeled himself to handle the present situation in a rational manner.

"Do you think you deserve to be punished for what you've done today?" He asked her gently, hoping to get a calm reply. It was a reasonable question, after all. Ahsoka was silent for a moment, as if debating her response, and then she narrowed her eyes and stiffened her stance. Anakin could tell she was going to make things difficult, and silently pleaded to the Force that it wouldn't be _too_ difficult.

"For _what_?" she snapped back saucily. "For assisting you, ensuring the success of the mission, and saving that droid? How the Force do you know you'd have completed this with that kind of success if I had followed your _'orders'_, which are only designed to inhibit me, and I hadn't left the station to secure the droid? Why do you always get to do everything? _No_, I don't think so. How can you laud freedom and then punish me for exercising my natural right?"

"_Ahsoka_," he returned sternly, "It would be wise to _watch _how you speak to me right now. I'm not exactly pleased, and my patience is wearing thin. First of all, what I do is not to 'inhibit' you, it is in fact to do the opposite. It is to protect you and allow you to live out your life in the right course so that you eventually can become a great Jedi. That takes a lot of time and discipline that you haven't learned yet. It's my job to teach you, and it's yours to listen. And if your application of 'natural rights' were true than children would be telling their parents what to do, and students telling their teachers what to do, and subordinates telling their authority what to do. Padawans telling their masters what to do... It simply doesn't work."

Ahsoka felt her anger rise in a way she could not control, and the caustic substance came foaming up from her insides and bubbling out of her lips… "I'm not a child!" Her response bellowed out and seemed to take both of them by surprise, but only for a brief second before Ahsoka, with new found courage, stood tall in an attempt to meet her master's height as she continued. "When are you going to realize that? I can handle myself. _I don't need you_!"

"Ahsoka… Don't say things you'll regret," Anakin cautioned. "When you come to your sense, you'll see that I'm right and that your actions were wrong. You just need time to reflect."

"Don't say things I'll regret? Why not? You don't seem to care." Ahsoka scoffed. "I'm so sick of you and how you treat me."

Anakin put a hand on his chin and peered down at her thoughtfully. "How would you have me treat you, Snips? Explain to me what I'm doing wrong."

Ahsoka was taken aback by this question, and she had half expected him to turn her around and give her a pop on the backside right then and there for her last remark. "Well..." she began a little blankly. "I'd have you give me more freedom over my own decisions. I want to be free to take more risks. To... To..."

"To prove yourself," Anakin knowingly finished for her.

"Not _exactly_," Ahsoka whispered, unwilling to admit her thought. There was nothing else to say. She knew that all in all she had a very fair and caring master, and she knew that his protective nature was part of that. At the moment though, she wanted to take his protective nature and throw it back in his face whether he deserved it or not.

Anakin let go of the resentment he had held against Ahsoka before, but tried not to let it soften him too much. Ahsoka was young and inexperienced and known for pushing limits. While Anakin had tried to maintain enough discipline in their relationship to keep his padawan at his side and out of danger, he knew there was no guaranteeing her perfect obedience. Since he truly hadn't been the strongest of authority figures with her, it was only natural that she would want to push more limits, to see what he was really made of.

Anakin knew all too well how proving oneself to one's master seemed like the perfect stepping stone to independence and to be on equal footing with the one who dictated your every step. He valued freedom and tried make sure Ahsoka had it, but only up to a point. He could be strict, more so than masters known for having the quality, when it came to her safety. He cared for her too deeply to allow her to put herself in situations that might prove too risky, no matter what the learning experience. The same thing was happening now, and he wanted her to see that there were alternatives. It was a lesson he even still sometimes struggled with: obedience is far more convincing of maturity and readiness than making rash decisions that put others at risk just to prove it can be done.

"Ahsoka..." Anakin began after establishing some peace for the internal waves of his emotions. "I understand what you're feeling," he said honestly.

"Every padawan thinks this way at your age, but you're simply not ready. You need to learn to trust the people who have already been where you are right now. I made it, and I know you can too. Unfortunately you don't know everything, and even though it's annoying to not be in control, pretty soon having the responsibility of yourself will be extremely overwhelming. I know you're not ready for that yet. You're not the only person to have lived through this, and you can't cheat the system. You obviously haven't learned trust, or patience, or admitting when you're wrong for that matter… Again, it's my job as your master to teach you those things whether you want to learn them or not."

Ahsoka looked to the ground, suddenly feeling ashamed. She didn't like the insignificance she felt at being compared to every other person going through "her age". She didn't like hearing the truth in her master's speech. It hurt her... It insulted her. She thought on his words and felt particularly drawn to one statement. _'I made it, and you can too'_ she repeated mentally.

Her master was drawing a parallel between himself and her. She realized very suddenly that he did understand her actions, and that he cared enough to tell her so. Often he could be difficult to read and contradictory in his allowances and restrictions, but the truth about how much he cared was embedded in those very things. He was interested in everything she had to offer and held almost nothing back, even to the point of changing his own rules at her petition. He was special in that way… _They_ were special in that way… And she had broken the one thing he demanded absolutely from her by putting herself in danger. She felt extremely foolish for her earlier remarks about how he treated her, and tears began to well in her eyes.

Anakin could tell by her silence that he was beginning to get through. He gently took hold of her chin and guided her gaze back up to his own. "Snips, you know I love you, right?" Ahsoka nodded for fear of her voice cracking with the sob she was holding back. "I didn't mean to be so angry earlier, but I don't like it when you put yourself in harm's way when I went through specific trouble to keep you safe. If you say that you're sorry though, I promise I do believe you, and it does mean something to me. However, that doesn't mean that your actions weren't wrong and that they shouldn't be acknowledged. Do you understand?"

He looked at her firmly, but not with the coldness he had displayed before. Ahsoka thought she might start wobbling and finally let a tear roll down her cheek. "Yes, Master," she whispered.

"Now, I'm going to ask you again, and I want you to answer me thoughtfully and truthfully. Do you think you should be punished for the stunt you pulled today? For disobeying my orders by leaving the compartment when I expressly told you not to, and for continuing throughout the mission to ignore my commands and guidance. For breaking the trust and respect we have always shared as Padawan and Master..."

"Okay, okay... You're really laying it on thick."

"Just answer the question." Anakin maintained a certain level of sternness as he held her gaze, all the while sensing and searching her feelings.

Ahsoka was slightly annoyed at the way he put things, and felt that this humiliation was punishment enough. She thought it was almost cruel of him to ask her to choose punishment, and wanted to give him an earful on the subject. The foolish remarks of before kept her in check though, and she began to wonder what his reasons were for the question.

He could easily just punish her if wanted to, and it wasn't as if he hadn't before. He had taken her in hand a couple times when she was younger... She had tested him to a certain limit, and he had lost his temper. Something was different here though... He was being patient, giving her a chance to say: "no, I don't think I deserve it." She wondered why...

What would he say, or do, if she repeated herself simply more thoughtfully this time and told him no? Would he react angrily? Ahsoka knew there was a greater purpose to his question. Her master was intelligent, and he knew her well enough to get what he wanted out of her. _'That's it,'_ she thought. _'He's testing me.'_

He wanted to see if she could acknowledge her mistake, and if she would accept what she needed to teach her the lesson she needed to learn. He wanted her to trust him enough to submit to his chastisement. He wanted her to make a mature, calculated choice. It was a choice that was not what she _wanted_ but what she _needed_. He was giving her an opportunity to prove herself by making a wise decision.

Ahsoka sighed, both pleased and saddened by this realization. She took a deep breath and searched for her bravery. "Yes, Master. I do deserve to be punished for what I did today. It was wrong, and foolish, and I realize now that I haven't learned yet what I need to equal you. I do respect you and what you have to teach me."

Anakin half-smiled and gripped her reassuringly. "Very good, Ahsoka. I'm proud of you."

Although Ahsoka couldn't be more pleased by her critical master's sudden praise, she also maintained the contrary feelings of doubtful fear and anxiety for resigning herself to something that would break her. Hearing the statement "I'm proud of you" was never something to take lightly, and Ahsoka valued it from the deepest parts of her love and respect for her master. However, with that pride came his price by her consequences, which she now felt obligated both to receive and submit to. She wasn't about to plead again, and she knew that now was the time to cling to her resolve even if she felt weak in the knees and very sick to her stomach.

Anakin frowned, realizing he was just as anxious as she was, and it would not do for her to know. "You're very worried now, Ahsoka," he said softly. "I can tell. I'd say that it's not too late change your mind, but even if you did, there's really nothing you can do to change this course of events."

"Really? Darn. I was hoping to maybe get off easy for picking the right answer." She peered up at him with wide, glossy eyes and it was obvious to Anakin that she was still searching for some way to work him out of whatever punishment he planned to give her.

"Oh, Ahsoka..." Anakin sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

"You haven't figured that out yet? Maybe there's still hope." She smiled, playing off her master's amusement.

"I'm afraid not, Snips," Anakin answered solidly. "It's time to face up, and be the brave and responsible padawan I know you can be, and take your medicine."

"Which medicine would that be?"

Anakin chuckled weakly, both amused and disheartened at his padawan's playful nature. He loved that about her, and he hated to silence her in such a way as to belittle or halter it. Unfortunately though it was that springy nature that got them both into trouble, and he knew through experience that if he didn't take the time to check it himself, she would never learn how to check her own behavior and not take things too far. It was time to put action behind the threats and establish some real solidity in his authority. Anakin took a deep breath and steeled himself, once again, for what he was about to do.

**Author's note:**

_It's always hard to begin a chapter where an actual punishment takes place, even if you think you know exactly how you want it to happen… A lot of times you end up changing it. I am always open to suggestions._

_What I am concerned about thus far is my portrayal of these characters. Does Anakin make sense? Are his thought processes too contradictory? I have my own reasons for the way he is written, but I am always ready to hear from readers who might find him nonsensical, unrealistic, or simply too different from the real Anakin. _

_Also, I will admit I have trouble with Ahsoka. She seemed easy at first, but the more I tried to write her the more difficult she became, and I ended up clipping a lot of it out. Suggestions for her character are especially welcome. (Is she too annoying, unrealistic, etc..)_

_Thank you for reading thus far and for any reviews. May the Force be with you. :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_**WARNING: Content in this chapter may be disturbing for some readers. There IS corporal punishment. Please read with discretion and accept my apology if you are troubled by any content… It is not my intention.**_

"Ahsoka," Anakin told his padawan, trying very hard not to let the tone of his voice waver. "I'd like for you to go to your sleeping quarters, and I will meet you shortly. Then we will finish sorting this out."

Ahsoka, who would usually be more inclined to put up a fight, nodded and dismissed herself, sensing that compliance was the best thing for her in this instance. She was in knots on her way to her quarters, wondering what her master had in mind for "sorting this out." When she was safely confined in her room, she made an effort to meditate and find some calm in her current situation.

Anakin, meanwhile, was certain he hadn't felt this conflicted since he had admitted his attachment to his future wife. The feelings he carried now were just as deep, causing storms in the same seas within him. Like then, he didn't know how to calm the waters and thought that if they crashed against him any more forcefully he might be knocked over.

Once punishment had been decided, Anakin believed in getting it over with and out of the way quickly. He never could bear to wait and always felt it was cruel to do so on top of actually receiving punishment. He certainly did not want to make Ahsoka wait any longer than she had to, but he was truly struggling.

He needed someone to tell him what the right course of action was. He needed advice because, for Anakin, this was just as difficult as any critical decision made on the battlefield or in the council chambers. He wanted to ask Obi-Wan, the closest person to him that related to such matters, but he maintained a certain level of apprehension over what his old master might say and he wasn't ready to give the details of the situation yet.

Ahsoka had proven to be foolish and childish in her actions, but at the moment Anakin felt like a child himself. He was under the pressure of so many watchful eyes, and he had a flood of emotions surging through him that kept him from identifying whatever wisdom those watchful eyes would provide. The young Knight was very much distressed at the prospect of punishing his friend, his sister… It was easy for him to enact consequences when he was angry, when he felt the full weight of the provocation, but after eliciting an apology from his wayward padawan, he was almost ready to drop the matter entirely.

Even though he had played the part of a strict master before in his threats and even in some of his consequences, he knew that this time was different. This instance was more serious and encompassed a much bigger issue than the simple, almost expected mistakes that Ahsoka had made in the past. The only way to answer it was with hard discipline, the kind that Anakin simply didn't know what to do with. In the past, while trying to handle something that did not wish to be in his hands, Anakin usually found a way to place it back on the shelf, just as he had found a way out of delivering serious discipline before.

It was more than tempting to craft a similar excuse now, and to package enough of a threat to get him by until next time… He knew though, deep down, that he was only buying himself a war later on where she was concerned. If he changed his mind now, and went back on his promise of not letting her get away her actions, what would that teach her? He _knew_ he had to go through with it but was still undecided about how.

There were some things that would have to be required of her as a member of the Jedi Order and a young follower of its strict code. Of course she would apologize to all affected by her actions, and he knew it was a given. They would both confront the council who would collectively provide their own set of consequences that she would be obliged to accept if she wanted to regain their trust. Normally all of that would serve as enough as far as Anakin was concerned, but in this case he knew he would have to give her his own consequences. This was a separate problem that had to be reined in and controlled. She had to learn to listen to him, and for that message to be fully conveyed, he had to punish her himself… in a way that told her she wouldn't get away with it again and that showed he meant it… a way that a master would, with severity. He could find no path subverting it.

Anakin dropped his head into his hands with the weight of the burden and thought back to his days as a younger padawan. Obi Wan had never hesitated to use physical force in order to subdue his wild behavior. While discipline wasn't a state of constancy between him and his master as it was with others, Anakin knew that if he had done what Ahsoka had done today, he could have easily expected to taste the bitter medicine of a strap. His profound resiliency to the acrid flavor would try his master's patience, but knowing the consequences added stability for Anakin when there was none, and it was that alone that had allowed him to survive the Order at all.

Contrarily, his current line of thinking would seem impossible for his younger self, who was sure he despised such discipline, but Anakin knew that even then he feared guilt. He was prone to it in the deep recesses of his soul, and he knew that without some way to beat it back or cast it off, it would creep outward until he despaired in it. To confront that truth was difficult, but it solidified in his mind what he would have to do for Ahsoka.

He had often been openly resentful of discipline in his youth, and he could not believe he was in the position of administering it now. More than anything he could think of he did not want to do this, and just thought of it grabbed his insides and twisted them into a tight knot. Anakin had to admit it to himself… He was _afraid_. He was afraid to hurt Ahsoka, he was afraid of what she would think of him afterward, he was afraid he might be making the wrong decision, and he was afraid what was to come. However, for his padawan's sake, he purposed not to let the fear weaken his resolve, and, having made up his mind, he went to end Ahoka's wait.

In the back of her mind, Ahsoka had a faint feeling she knew what was coming, and she wasn't sure how to feel about it. She knew that her master was fairly easy on her most of the time, and she got away with a lot more than the other padawans her age. She also knew strict discipline was a large part of growing with the order, and she had heard the variety of stories from others whose masters made use of the most feared and respected kind of all… The kind she had received in word but not in deed.

Sometimes she wondered about how lucky she was that her master wasn't so strict. She was able to do and experience more, and she had a unique outlook because of it. Her master allowed her to question and even to argue, which was unheard of in other apprenticeships. Even still, she sometimes had to ask herself if she was the better for it, and she couldn't help wondering when the day would come that she would fall victim to the type of disciplinary force that was virtually absent in her current apprenticeship.

Upon reflection, she did regret everything she had sacrificed in order to prove herself, and she was certain that submitting to whatever her master had in mind for her would show him her penitence was true. She was glad for the chance, even though it did frighten her more than she would have admitted. The anxiety wasn't going to end until her master ended it for her, and when he finally entered the chamber she felt a small sense of relief, in spite of everything.

Ahsoka did not want to have to speak first, and she was glad when her master finally opened his tightly pressed lips. "Ahsoka…" he began, trying to cover his hesitation. "I can't do this unless… Unless I know for sure you understand what you're going to submit to… and why. First, I want you tell me how you really feel about what happened today."

'_Haven't we been over this?'_ Ahsoka thought, unwilling to speak any more about it. "Master," she began, trying to make the contrition clear in her tone. "I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry about how much I risked, and I'm sorry for what I did to you. If there was a way to take it back, I would."

Anakin nodded, relieved he wouldn't have to try to prove that to her any more. The punishment would be preventative, and he was sure it would work. "Then you're ready to accept the consequences for those actions?" he asked tentatively.

Ahsoka looked away, attempting to build up some more resolve for herself. "Yes, Master," she answered grittily.

Anakin moved so that he was directly in front of her, trying his best to emit some kind of warmth to relax the incredible amount of tension he felt between them. "Snips," he said softly. "I've come to a decision about the consequence, and I want you to understand exactly why it is necessary.

"Besides the breech of protocol today by abandoning your post and putting others at risk as well as disobeying direct orders… You risked yourself when it wasn't being asked of you, and in that situation… you are _too much_ to risk. If I cannot trust you to be where you are supposed to be and to listen to me, I am going to be risking a lot too trying to watch over you. I cannot allow you to do that to yourself or to me. This is a matter that comes between you and me alone, and I want to be sure it doesn't happen again. So for that reason, I'm going to spank you… with a strap… seven times."

Ahsoka had already had plenty of time to steel herself for this conversation, and she did not allow herself to flinch at what her master was telling her. "Why seven?" she asked with smooth and bridled curiosity. There was no fight left in her just then. Her master had successfully pulled it out of her by his speech.

"Well…" Anakin blushed inwardly, desperately trying not to reveal just how awkward he felt. "Because you're a girl. A boy might get ten, fifteen even," he remarked, remembering his own past experience, "but a girl, I'm certain, usually receives less."

Ahsoka, even now, couldn't resist rolling her eyes. "I suppose I can be thankful for inequality then."

Anakin wanted to roll his eyes too at her unrelenting smart mouth. Half the time he loved the little sarcastic speeches, even when they were against him. And even though he was a little relieved that he hadn't quieted her just yet, he knew better than to encourage it.

"Are you ready to go through with this?" he asked, giving her one last chance to make any concerns known. Ahsoka nodded her assurance, continuing to brace herself in preparation. "Then let's get it over with," Anakin said, gently guiding her to her feet. "I want you to lean against wall and keep yourself steady. And do _not _move, or I might hurt you on accident."

Ahsoka shuddered inwardly and positioned herself with her hands against the wall as she was instructed to. Anakin was glad she was turned, so that she didn't see just how much his hand trembled when he removed the punishing tool from his waist. It seemed almost surreal, and he wished with everything inside him that he could change his mind. Instead, he fought that desire, and did the hardest thing he could imagine at that moment and took the first swing…

Ahsoka didn't utter a sound after the contact, probably more in shock than anything else. After the second and third contact of the strap with her body, she found herself having to bite down hard on her lip in order to keep the same stoic composure. She was surprised by how much the pain seemed to want to break her on the inside, and she tried to fight it, at least the part of it that wanted her to spill tears.

Anakin felt every blow as if it were his own. Ahsoka may have been taking the lashes outwardly, but Anakin felt them in inwardly… deeply… in his core. He struggled to continue with the promised seven.

Her rigid composure only made it harder on him. _'Why doesn't she cry?'_ he thought. It wasn't that he really wanted to hurt her, but that the silence scared him. He couldn't be sure if it was the stubborn shield she often protected herself with, or if it was made of pure hatred. Anakin remained steady in the punishment he had prescribed, and he watched Ahsoka maintain her composure (whatever it was made of) to the very end, at which he was sure he was more thankful than her.

Ahsoka could easily identify the overwhelming sense of relief that washed over her when the punishment ended, and she finally felt herself breath. She was proud of herself for her outward composure, but she couldn't believe the swirls of emotion that traveled inside her. It was something new to her, and she was unsure how to release it.

Anakin almost didn't want to look her in the eyes after he had purposefully caused her pain. He felt like the definition of a wreck, as if everything that held him together had let go, and he was liable to fall to pieces. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so imbalanced. He wanted to ask her how she was, and yet he was also afraid to…

He instinctively reached out his hand, and she took it confidently, which pleased him. He quickly pulled her into a tight embrace, and then, finally, when she could rest in the fact it was all over, Ahsoka let the tears fall from her eyes. They surprised and relieved both of them, and Anakin silently consoled her until Ahsoka was ready to pull away.

Ahsoka appreciated her master's consolation, and she hoped with the rest of her substance that she had finally proven herself him. This time she hoped to prove not just her strength, but her trust, and her love for him. She would have to find out later if it were true, because after she quieted down her exhaustion became obvious to Anakin, who insisted that she rest. He soon left her alone and went to find his own consolation in the only person who really knew how to give it to him, his wife.

**Author's Note:**

_**Okay, I have to confess that this was way more difficult than I anticipated it would be to write. I felt for my characters (or rather, Lucas's characters that I have cloned and hijacked for myself) on a personal level. If this chapter seems a bit rushed, it is because of the hesitancy I had with giving details. I am sure that at some point I will come back to it and try to improve it. Suggestions and constructive criticism is always welcome.**_

_**Regardless, I hope you enjoy this, and please know that it is not the end. I am aware there is much to resolve for these poor characters. Thanks in advance for any reviews, and as always, may the Force be with you. **_


	4. Chapter 4

Anakin was just as exhausted as his padawan had been from both the spiritual and physical strain of delivering such harsh discipline, and when he finally reached the apartment he shared privately with his wife he was ecstatic to find her there waiting for him. She had dressed down to a casual cream colored night gown and her dark curls tumbled loosely over shoulders, rebellious from being held back all day. Anakin reached for her almost immediately and greedily wrapped her into his arms. She giggled with the surprise before losing herself by his presence and meeting his kiss with equal desire.

"You're glad to see me," Padme whispered contentedly against her husband's chest.

"I'm always glad to see you, my love," Anakin returned, stroking her hair.

After a moment, Padme pulled away and looked her husband over, a nurturing instinct taking effect. "You look tired, Anakin. Are you hungry?" she asked quickly. "I don't have much, but I do have something."

"Don't worry about me, Padme. I'm just glad to be home."

Anakin let her go before pacing over to the round sofa and sitting down. He tried to let the plushy, warm, familiar surroundings of home absorb the tension he felt wound inside. Padme came to sit beside him, observing her husband silently for several minutes before deciding to interrupt his obvious brooding…

"Anakin, you know I love you dearly, but it makes me want to hit you when you ignore me because you have something on your mind and you _won't tell me about it_." Padme gave him a steely grin to assert that she was serious.

Anakin knew better that to counter her when she grinned at him like that. "I'm sorry, Padme," he placated. "I just had an unusually rough day, and I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk about it just yet." He tried to offer the statement delicately, almost a half plea. Padme would, of course, not accept it.

"Well," she returned with a spark in her voice. "You can either finish up the rough day here by yourself or tell me what happened because I'm not going sit in silence after having done it for so many hours today at that oppressively long senate meeting."

Anakin chuckled inwardly and let a small smile escape at the corner of his mouth before he quickly became grave again at having to relate the day's events. He felt his wife's love and concern, and she emitted a certain warmth that Anakin drank in as if it were flowing nectar. He took it eagerly and allowed it to help him communicate his troubles. "I had to punish Ahsoka," he said simply, now more at ease by his wife's side. He had determined it was the punishment alone that had bothered him the most about the day.

Padme's eyes softened towards her husband as she immediately understood the sensitivity of the situation and how it might have affected him. "What happened, Ani?" she asked softly.

"She was gone, Padme," Anakin told her, with a former anger lingering in his tone. He spoke it as if that one thing alone would explain everything that followed. "I couldn't find her," he continued, "and I almost lost control of the entire mission because of it. She was supposed to be there… I _told_ her stay there… And she just wasn't there. She put lives at risk, including her own."

"That sounds like someone else I know…" Padme hinted gently. "But this person likes to remind me that the risk is always worth taking for even a small chance of success."

"That's not the point, Padme. She's in no position to be taking those kinds of risks. It was wrong, and we both knew it. I _had_ to punish her."

"And that's what hurts you the most?" she asked knowingly.

Anakin nodded wearily in confirmation. "I just… I don't like the feeling it puts between us… the distance… I'm not sure she really forgives me."

"What did you do?" Padme asked, trying to discern the full gravity of the situation.

Anakin went a little rigid, somewhat afraid of what his wife would think of the punishment he had administered. "Well… I only did what my own master would have done." He hoped the statement would suffice, but it had only further ignited his wife's curiosity.

"And what was that?" she asked.

Anakin shifted with the discomfort of the revelation. "Well… I um… I…" He sighed. "I had to spank her."

"Oh, Anakin, you didn't!" Padme exclaimed, instantly upset with, what seemed to her, an unbecoming use of discipline.

"I had to, Padme." Anakin returned factually. He had already determined there was no way around it. It was figuring out how to deal with the repercussions that he struggled with.

"Anakin, she's a young woman. Lest you forget, I was queen of Naboo at her age."

"Yes," Anakin consented, "and I'm sure you were very mature and self-disciplined… But Ahsoka is _not_ queen of Naboo. She's a reckless padawan who did something today that warranted discipline. Discipline is at the center of this order, Padme. I know of a dozen other masters who'd have done the same thing for lighter offences. I only did what I had to do, nothing more… And a large part of me still wishes I hadn't."

Padme felt, as wives often do, that it was her job to disagree with her husband in some situations in order to balance him out. She wanted to do that now, especially with her own convictions already against him, but her care for him overtook her with sympathy. As a result, she could not bring herself to make him feel worse about what happened than he already did.

"Anakin," she said tenderly, resting her hand on his. "Please don't beat yourself up over this. Ahsoka _will_ forgive you. For her sake, and mine, please forgive yourself."

"I wish it were that easy, Padme. It's just that… I love Ahsoka for everything she does wrong_, _and I don't want anything to change. I don't want her to be afraid to be herself. I didn't want to break her like that. I just didn't see any way around it."

"Ahoska is just as stubborn as you are, Anakin. I doubt that she is broken. I'm sure she's upset, as any normal person would be, but it couldn't be worse than you already must have expected… right?"

"I suppose that's the trouble with it all," Anakin admitted. "It's horrible. All she wanted to do was prove herself, which is something I really understand, and I made her pay a heavy price for it. But then, it really _does_ bother me that she felt _so_ much she had something to prove that she did what she did when I try _so_ _hard_ to keep those feelings from her because I _do_ understand them… I'm so… So… _mad_ at her."

"It only goes to show me how alike you are. She would do that to any master, and so would you. I don't think you're angry, Anakin… I think you're just hurting."

It was impossible for Anakin to deny that he was hurting, but he couldn't agree that he wasn't angry. In a sense, he was angry _because_ he was hurting, and because he was mad at Ahsoka for forcing him to hurt her. If she never did forgive him, he would never be able to forgive himself, and that was something he couldn't live with. At the center of it all, he feared what would change between them, and he didn't know how to handle that.

Anakin breathed a long sigh and relaxed his body against the cushions. "I don't want to think about it anymore tonight, Padme. I just want to be with you while I can." Padme responded by leaning her head on his shoulder, and they rested in each other silently before the night saw them to bed.

* * *

It was late morning when the Republic ship Ahsoka had been resting in, which had been delayed on military detour, finally reached Coruscant. Upon hearing the buzzer that announced the hour, Ahsoka sat up quickly, realizing she had slept longer than she should have. The soreness she felt upon rising surprised her, and she suddenly remembered everything that had happened the day before. She flinched as she replayed the memory in her mind, finally feeling the embarrassment of it all.

She sighed to herself regretfully as she gingerly stepped out of the bed. The whipping had left a lasting impact upon her flesh, and she was trying to be as gentle as possible with herself, so as not to be reminded of why the tender feeling in her backside resided there. She wondered how long the ache would last, a bit angered at the fact she wouldn't be able to forget it had even happened.

Ahsoka was confused by the emotions she had felt both about herself as well as her master in light of the experience. She had imagined it to be horrible, and it was, but not in the way she had expected. In her own mind, she had only thought of surface injury, mostly to her outward pride, but it was shocking to her how much injury she felt on the inside.

For the first time since she had met her master, she felt a sense of insecurity and fear of the part of him that judged her. Receiving that kind of punishment from her master displayed how terrible her actions must have been to earn it, and she truly regretted everything from the very first act of defiance to the last. Allowing herself so much regret was new to her, and it attacked the stubborn part of herself that was angry about how the events had played out and defensive of some of her decisions.

Obstinacy was part of her true nature, she knew, and that had been abused by the punishment it had succumbed to. A flame of that nature still burned, and she _was_, in some part of herself, angry at her master for how far he had taken his disappointment. However, everything surrounding the flame only wished for his trust, his love, and his acceptance. It was what she had always wanted in the beginning, and it was what she wanted now. After everything that had unfolded, she still couldn't be sure he had given that to her, and the instability hurt her more than anything else.

Ahsoka was interrupted in her musing by her the beeping of her comlink. She hesitated slightly when her master called for her through the device. "Master?" she spoke after a moment.

"Ahsoka, you know we've got that mission report to give the to the council today. I'll need you to be ready and meet me outside the chambers in an hour or so." Anakin's tone was grave, and Ahsoka knew he was just as nervous as she was.

She gulped before responding. "I'll be there soon, Master," she said, "But I can't promise to be ready."

"Just try your best, young one. These aren't fun for anyone. I'll see you soon."

Ahsoka, feeling a moment of weakness, wished she could find some way out of giving report to the council. She knew there was nothing that could excuse her, and she shuddered at the thought of having to confess her foolishness to such a stoic group of people. She found them far more terrifying than her master could ever be, and that would never change in her mind. In spite of that fact, she did not indulge her temptation to stall, and for her master's sake she refused to be late.

She made it to the chambers on time and found her master looking particularly anxious as he paced outside of the doors. He smiled when he saw her, but Ahsoka, though glad to receive it, found herself too nervous to return it. She did accept his attempt at encouragement and approached him with some new confidence.

Anakin eyes carefully scanned his padawan. "How are you feeling today, Snips?" he asked her quietly and almost warily, obviously referring to the day before.

Ahsoka decided to confront the uncomfortable subject right off the bat, hoping to get it out of the way. She was still hurt at the remembrance of it, and she didn't want to dwell on it if she could help it. "That spanking really hurt, master. In fact, it still sort of does."

Anakin wasn't sure whether to smile or frown at her revelation. "Kind of the point, little one," he said. "I'm sorry it has to be so painful. You'd do well to remember it though. Please don't ever make me do that again." Anakin meant the latter plea with much more sincerity than he thought it possible to convey.

The flame inside Ahsoka grew hotter at the thought of undergoing such a punishment again. "Trust me, I don't plan to," she replied. The statement was not delivered in her usual tone, and verbally revealed a certain amount of inner pain relating to the experience. While Anakin might have expected it, he bled with sympathy for her.

"A word of comfort..." he said gently. "It never lasts more than a couple days."

"That's supposed to be comforting?" she asked with marked sarcasm. It was not of her usual brand but carried the tone of one who was bitter. The statement did nothing to subdue Anakin's bleeding, and he tried to recover…

"Watch your mouth, Snips. We wouldn't want to add any extra days." Anakin's threat was unmistakably playful, but Ahsoka was thoroughly horrified by the use of it and turned sharply away from her master so that he might not see her pained expression. Anakin easily picked up on the disturbance, and he felt it very deeply in his own chest, splitting his already widening wound into a gash that reached straight to his heart.

Anakin grasped Ahsoka's shoulder and gently turned her back around to face him. She did not resist and was made more pliable by the look of pain that resided in her master's eyes. "Do we have something to talk about?" he asked her with genuine concern.

"Does it matter what I think?" Ahsoka returned tartly, unable to keep her spiraling emotions under control.

"Of course it matters what you think, Snips. You already know that. You're allowed to tell me when I've hurt you, and you know that I will listen. Please don't keep that from me."

"Well I think that… That I… I guess I don't know… I don't want to talk about it." Ahsoka was frustrated and full of feelings that she didn't understand. Her master had appeared to forgive her, and he seemed more than ready to put everything behind them and move on. She should have pleased, comforted even… Instead she felt angry, confused, and hurt… But at the same time she couldn't be sure of any of those feelings. She had taken everything in stride yesterday, but she had not known what she would feel in the aftermath.

"Ahsoka," Anakin said sternly, "I'm not going to put up with that and you know it. If you have something to tell me then spit it out." His tone and manner appeared harsh towards his young padawan, but inside he was desperate to gather her thoughts and feelings. It killed him when she kept them heavily guarded. Little did he know that in this instance they weren't being guarded, only hidden from Ahsoka herself, who could not directly discern what they were.

Ahsoka remained unaffected by her master's tone as it was his usual response to her conversation barriers. "Master," she said seriously, "I'm really _not sure_ what to tell you. I have to think about it some more before we can talk."

Anakin sighed and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Whenever you're ready, Snips."

Ahsoka peered up at him sheepishly, suddenly remembering that they were standing outside the council chambers preparing for a mission report. "Will we… have to tell them what happened?" she whispered. Anakin understood her immediately and identified with her sense of embarrassment regarding her punishment, even though he felt it silly now.

"No, Snips," he assured her. "Not if you don't want to. They won't care, and they would probably go easier on you knowing that you have already been disciplined, but if you want to keep it between us then I understand. I won't stop you."

"Thank you for understanding, Master. I don't think I want _anyone_ to know about that _ever_."

Anakin rolled his eyes at her and sighed once more, annoyed that she had invited yet another moment of instruction that he did not wish to give. "Ahsoka, you don't have to be ashamed of receiving discipline. That's not the part to be ashamed about. There isn't a single person here who wouldn't understand or that would hold it against you. You are still learning, and that is how. Don't think less of yourself because it happened… Just learn from what it taught you."

Ahsoka nodded and dropped her gaze, not wishing to debate it any further. Her rattled nerves over the coming council meeting troubled her more than anything else, and her master shared the same level of internal tension and disturbance. Soon enough, the great doors opened, and they both were invited in. Anakin gave Ahsoka's hand one final grip, sending her feelings of comfort and protection before they took their stance in front of the stern and wizened council and prepared to explain themselves.


End file.
